BigBlog

Today Jon Jon turned 1 year old and Aiden turned 2 and a half and I got the new iphone 4 and decided that I had better get with times.

SO I decided to get myself a new joujy blog page.  Please come visit me at sunnymommy.com soon so we can keep this relationship going.

 In the meantime I will still be visiting this site just in case some of my old regulars cant find me xxx

It's not that I am ungrateful, I'm just not a massive fan of kids clothes that are embalzoned with great big motifs with glitter and embellishments that scream "Bob the Builder" and "Thomas the Tank Engine" and "Dora the Explorer".  I just cant stand these types of clothes, where your kid is practically a walking cartoon wearer, I am just not into that.  My absolute worst is the Wigges Wardrobe, I just hate it!  A few months a go I took Aiden and Jon Jon to the Wiggles Concenrt so I should have known what to expect. But I was still not prepared for the mass eyesore - whoah tooo much.

 So, if you are reading this before Jon Jon's birthday and you're not sure what to get him, a sophisticated card will suffice with some touching wording if you please.  Or, if you are really feeling generous, we wont say no to boxed gifts of any size, or please remit payment forthwith to Jon's Bank account number xx

Kids and babies parties have become so super-competitive that I have been freaking out about my almost 1 year old's first birthday party since his first ultrasound!

My main concern is the baking.  I am not the greatest cook as I have said before, and when a cake that I bake flops, it's almost worst than if I would have failed the bar exams!  When we were babies my mom took a 6 month cake icing and decorating course and made us the most fabulous artisitic cakes ever to grace a birthday party, she made wedding cakes, buzzy bee cakes and I reckon if I would have asked for a Chippendale Cake with real strippers jumping out of it, she could have organised it for me.   Needless to say, I will be overjoyed to churn out a cake that rises in the tip for at least 5 cm and does not resemble roadkill of some sort. 

 I usually kill myself for these parties and the only ones who will actually be taking any notice are the parents, and not the kids, so who am I kidding here??

For Aiden's first birthday we had it in a local park.  I killed myself preparing savouries and chips and schlepping all the party decorations and tables to the venue and I was 4 months pregnant too!  Then when we got there, there was another 1 year old's party on the other side of the park, except they werent going old school - they had hired professional caterers, a massive jumpking castle, acrobats on stilts, you name it.  To my dismay and shame, Aiden's croud of friends all instinctively started to migrate to the other party at the other end of the park, it was like a Serengeti migration to the better party ofr the last part of the morning, I was mortified and totally disappointed in myself.

SO for Jon Jon's party I am going to go all out.   I have decided to personally blow up 100 assorted colour balloons and we are having not 1 but 2 pinyadas, and if I have to personally jump out of the cake for effect on the day, I will if that's what it takes.  He better appreciate what his half dead mother is willing to do to throw the best best first birthday party he's ever had!

I wish I could do this post title justice and write about it properlyu but my almost 1 year old has just woken up for the second time tonight (AEST 10.52pm) and now my two and a half year old has also just woken up (AEST 11pm) as is the usual nightly habit around here.  You wonder why I dont get to sleep now instead of going on my blog, well there is really no point in getting settled off to sleep if I am just going to get woken every hour until it's finally time to get up for the day to start at around 5.30am!  My skin would look about ten years younger if I had about 7 hours uninterrupted sleep I reckon, and I think my husband and I would be much less cranky if he ad a bit more sleep.  I guess we can always sleep when we're dead, so there's no use in complaining about it now!

Very seldom does the printed word make my blood boil.  However, today I read an article by Jacinta Blyth in the Sun Herald Magazine today (1 August 2010) which made me froth at the mouth and tuck into 3 slabs of chocolate simulatenously.  Jacinata reckons that motherhood is a cynch and that our genereation is conditioned to complaining and groaning about how hard motherhood is and that we almost enjoy complaining.  She on the other hand thinks motherhood is a breeze.  She does concede that, admittedly, she has only 1 child - a 9 month old girl, who is a good sleeper and eater, who is healthy and happy in general.  Thes are the basics.  Then she admits that she works full time as a newsreader while her kid is happily in daycare.  Now how hard does that sound? From my understanding, this woman finds motherhood easy because she has pretty much opted out of all the hard, unglamorous day to day stuff, and she only has 1 kid, who is still a baby and a girl at that!  She shoved her kid in daycare so that she can be primped and primed in hair and makeup and dolled up in joujy designer suits on a daily basis to read the news and then pick up her kid after a day of sipping lattes and 'working'.  I've been there and I can tell you that even when I worked a full day at a corporate law firm while I was pregrant with my second baby, it was still the most chilled experience compared to my days now looking after the 2 year old and 11 month old.

So, in theory, this Jacinta has not even had a taste of motherhood at full throttle, and she has no basis on which to posit her view that the rest of us all complain unecessarily. And for the record, I dont complain, I vent. Online.  Not in public.  It's cheaper than therapy, far more convenient and the therapeutic benefits are endless!

More about this soon...I am presently seeking permission to reproduce exerpts of the article to evidence its absurdity!

I am so tired of everyone offering me their excellent advice. From random passers by on the streets to well wishing strangers in the shopping centre. Seriously, as a mother of 2 who has done this all alone for 2 years solid, I am pretty a qualified baby nurse when it comes to baby-related issues and I am so not up for unqualified people proffering the ultimate baby solution to be when they perceive me to be in a time of need and crying out for helpful advice from the outside world.

My absolute worst is when men, especially men from other older generations, try to offer some useful titbits to help me along. For instance, some gems that I have been offered of late include:

• if you stop breastfeeding it will be much easier on you
• bottle fed babies are much happier, we were all bottle fed (this one is actually universal and used across all older generations across the board as the holy grail of information that a young mother of today should take on board! its also one of my mom's favourites)
• give the baby a dummy, he really wants one (even after I've explained that my baby spits it out time after time and doesn't want one)
• your baby's hungry, feed him, that's why he's crying (eveyone's a baby whisperer in disguise, moonlighting as a night nurse during the day when you happen to be pushing an overtired baby round the block)
• toddlers don't need a routine, they should fit in with your routine (pity my two active baby boys aren't such massive fans of shoe shopping drinking coffee and reading Elizabethan novels on the beach for 5 hours straight in the sweltering sun....they should really fit into my routine!)

As mothers, we know our babies and their needs better than anyone. So we should never cave under the pressure and feel forced to smile politely and take the obsolete advice. As far as I am concerned, they can take their advice and shove it!

I have stopped punishing myself and Aiden and Jonathan and the world.

We no longer enrol in Art n Move, Einsteinz Music, Gymbaroo, Playball, and all the other money-making garbage out there that sucks you in to thinking your kids enjoy it and you need it for structure in your own week.

The reality is that not all kids are into it and that as a parent you ended up working harder in the 45 minute class than you've worked in your life.

I thought, hey if I am going to be dropping +$300 for a term of 8 classes, I am going to sit back and chill with my newborn while the teachers deal with Aiden et al during the class.

I was so wrong. They expect you to "be involved" and "encourage" your toddler, blah blah blah. What a load of nonsense!What are we paying for then?

Every time we got the door at Art n Move Aiden would go nuts and try to lift the wooden latch so as to usher all the other kids out of the classroom like the Pide Piper.  Not to mention that I had to carry Aiden on my back and push Jon Jon in the single pram because the structural facilities of the venue lacked a path wide enough for a double pram - insane.

On one occasion where Lance had taken Aiden to the class without me - the teacher actually had the audacity to convey to Lance that the reason for Aiden having such an  ill-ended response to the classes was because of ME! What did they expect of me when I had a 2 week old with me who needed to be fed and changed during the class - what the hell was I paying for anyway?

Needless to say that Aiden failed to complete the course because I pulled him out and was 3 lessons short of obtaining a degree in finger painting and stencil drawing.

Dont get me started on the gymbaroo, where I thought the whole point was for the kids to burn off all their energy on the equipment while you relax with a coffee on the side - not the case at all.

They expect 20 almost 2 year olds to sit silently for "mat time" for a good 20 minutes listening to an alomost inaudible story being read to them and then dance to some pre-recorded kids music from the early 80s - Aiden always barred mat time with his mate Hamish and decided instead to get his full money's worth on the slide and trampoline - and so right he was!

As for the Music class, Aiden loved the first few until he and I realised that we were not allowed to bring our coffees into the room and that drum-time and actual contact with any musical instruments was limited to the last 1 minute of the class - bummer.

So from all these lessons - what have I learnt? Well, that my kid is not the type to sit quietly and listen without putting up a fight and getting his own way and making himself heard when he's not having fun.

Wonder where he gets it from!

Peacekeeping in the house and especially with your husband is more illusive than peace in the Middle East.
The two main wars being waged in this house are between me and the babies and between me and my better half. The first battle is more of a civil war passive aggressive war, when I feel I pretty much hold the boys hostage for days on end, particularly when its been raining for 2 weeks straight and we cant leave the house. Sometimes even I feel like a hostage with no way out and that I have been held captivity for far too long. I have to say though, that the war zone with a cranky husband is by the far the worst war to be waging. Now I know that I am not the easiest of women to get along with, but after sever sleep deprivation (which is one of the highest forms of torture) plus constant arguing and bickering one can certainly crack under the pressure and the most acerbic words escape from my mouth well before they have time to travel to my head. I sometimes wish that I could be one of those subservient ‘yes' wives, a 1950s type Stepford wife programmed to please her and ‘give him what he needs' day in and day out. I truly believe those girls are the smart ones and end up getting what they want from a marriage in the end. But try as I might, I just cant seem to feel comfortable donning a frilly starched apron and presenting my husband with a curtsey and pouty peck on the check while I offer him a steaming hot casserole and politely enquire how his day at the office was as a marches in the door, because quite frankly I am not up for small talk when he gets home and all I want to do is breathe in some chocolate and shower and roll into bed for 1 0r 2 measly hours before I get woken by one or both of the babies!
I'm sorry but I just can't pretend to be something I am not, not even if it helps me win this war. So Lance, if you ever get round to reading this, here are some guidelines for our Peace Charter that I have drafted to help you help me win this war together and prevail as a couple still married, still holding some semblance of respect and love for one another:

• When I say no I really do mean no and I am seconds way from curling up for 6 months with chronic fatigue so please let me sleep unless you want a dead wife

• When I say I don't want you to buy me material gifts like flowers and jewellery I might be trying to be a be a bit polite and a spontaneous treat here and there wont be totally out of the question. If you took initiative and came home with the perfect size 7 Chanel shoes I would be SO impressed. Plus I should have got a gift from you when both boys where born...just wondering...

• When you make yourself a cup of tea it wouldn't kill you to make me one too, unprompted

• Each time you tell me that it means nothing to you that I am a qualified lawyer that really drives me crazy, you should be proud of my achievements. Also you should know that that qualification is sometimes the only thing that makes me feel like I have achieved something bigger in my life

• When I go out for an hour or two or a night here and there please don't make me feel guilty by presenting me with the statistics of the exact hours, minutes and seconds I have been gone and that "I had my fun and I should be grateful"
and
• When you get home from work please don't ask me if I "changed the flat tyre on the pram" or "lodged the tax returns with the ATO" or "got the baby's passport application in" or "paid insurance" - you already know the answer to all those questions

I have stopped punishing myself and Aiden and Jonathan and the world.

We no longer enrol in Art n Move, Einsteinz Music, Gymbaroo, Playball, and all the other money-making garbage out there that sucks you in to thinking your kids enjoy it and you need it for structure in your own week.

The reality is that not all kids are into it and that as a parent you ended up working harder in the 45 minute class than you've worked in your life.

I thought, hey if I'm dropping +$300 for a term of 8 classes, I am going to sit back and chill with my newborn while the teachers deal with Aiden et al during the class.

I was so wrong. They expect you to "be involved" and "encourage" your toddler, blah blah blah.  What a load of nonsense!  What are we paying for then?

Every time we got the door at Art n Move Aiden would go nuts and try to lift the wooden latch so as to usher all the other kids out of the classroom like the Pide Piper.  Not to mention that I had to carry Aiden on my back and push Jon Jon in the single pram because the structural facilities of the venue lacked a path wide enough for a double pram - insane.

On one occasion where Lance had taken Aiden to the class without me - the teacher actually had the audacity to convey to Lance that the reason for Aiden's ill-ended response to the classes was because of ME! What did they expect of me when I had a 2 week old with me who needed to be fed and changed during the class - what the hell was I paying for anyway?  Needless to say that Aiden failed to complete the course because I pulled him out and was 3 lessons short of obtaining a degree in finger painting and stencil drawing.

Dont get me started on the gymbaroo, where I thought the whole point was for the kids to burn off all their energy on the equipment while you relax with a coffee on the side - not the case at all. 

They expect 20 almost 2 year olds to sit silently for "mat time" for a good 20 minutes listening to an alomost inaudible story being read to them and then dance to some pre-recorded kids music from the early 80s - Aiden always barred mat time with his mate Hamish and decided instead to get his full money's worth on the slide and trampoline - and so right he was!

As for the Music class, Aiden loved the first few until he and I realised that we couldn't bring our coffees into the room and that drum-time and actual contact with any musical instruments was limited to the last 1 minute of the class - bummer.

So from all these lessons - what have I learnt?  Well, that my kid is not the type to sit quietly and listen without putting up a fight and getting his own way and making himself heard when he's not having fun.  Wonder where he gets it from!

I thought I was going to start this financial year with some sleep and aim to get myself off to bed early at night if possible - however being noctural with nocturnal cubs - I realise this is IMPOSSIBLE.  I need to do a full audit on what this lack of sleep is doing to my skin - but before I do I need a hot drink to calm my nerves from the crying and vomitting.

Signing off at 12.30am  - not from duty but from this blog post for this evening

Today I felt like a new woman. 

I can finally  say that I am 97% cured of the bird flu and my mom (AKA "gagga") came over to watch the babies for me this afternoon for a few hours.

Then the collosal dilemma hit me.  Where do you go when you are given a leave pass from the kids from lunchtime naptime till just before dinner, bath and bed time - leaving really just over 1 hour (less travel time to and from home) to be alone with my thoughts and pramless, so as not be bound by the need for wide pavements and sheltered areas from the elements?

     [Hold that thought, my 10 month old broke his once-a-week sleeping 
     through the night pattern and has woken up at 10.59pm for a feed and
     cuddle, or is that the 2 year old for a midnight snack?!?!]

Right, back on board now - 11.55pm.  It's been all hands on deck for the past hour with both babies up - Jon Jon vomited his dinner on my "joujeey" black bedspread - gross and Lance is "settling" Aiden - shame.

Anyway, with 2 hours to kill this afternoon I was at a complete loss of where to go to.  Being a beach and sun addict, ordinarily in summer weather it would have been an easy decision - I would have run down Bondi for a swim or a gone for a run from Bondi to Bronte and then chilled for a coffee in Tamarama half way (I havent done this since I was pregnant with my firstborn and Oh how I dream of doing this again...) But since the weather has been FREEZING cold here like 5 degrees in the sun in the mornings - I had no idea where to go.

I had a number of runner-up ideas which I eventually cancelled out or canned for being either inappropriate for a mother of two (like going for a drink midday to a pub, alone) or pathetic for a woman of 30 in general (like going to Customs House Library, my all time favourite library in Sydney and tucking into a wonderful historical fiction novel about Henry VIII or Marie Antoinette - ahh bliss .... and better than "doing it" in my opinion).

Finally, I settled on 3 sensible options, which I achieved mild, sedated enjoyment out of:

1. I went grocery shopping and blew $374 in 45 minutes (and this shop didnt even include my kosher meat!)

2. I finally went to select fabrics for my long-anticipated bedheads for my masterbedroom and Aiden's bedroom (and on my way to the warehouse I conquered my fear of finding my way to Glebe/Pyremont /getting to the Pyremont Bridge, which is really, incidentally the SAME as the Anzac Bridge, but goes by another name to confuse people who drive crappy 15 year old cars like me and only know the inner Eastern Suburbs and CBD well, but lose confidence in the West or North!!)

3. I stopped past the Sydney Fish Markets (which was right by the Anzac Bridge/Pyrmont Bridge_ to see if the fish really is cheaper than usual - WASTE of time - no it's not!!)

4. I drove past Oxford Street, Paddington and parked.  Thought I would run up and down the shopping strip as I always dream of doing this when I am without the kids but never do - it was really average, didn't end up buying anything as I was not in the mood and nothing excited me...I briefly contemplated getting a blow dry, or getting my nails done or buying myself some cheap flowers from Vej, the cute fruit and vegetable shop, but figured that I didn't have sufficient time and also couldn't really be bothered.  I even called a few friends for inspiration but noone had anything I could really work with in a spontaneous instant.

In fact, for the entire time that I was out (2.75 hours) I was checking my watch and phone incessantly to see where my mom would be up to and if the babies were up and were eating etc.  I also rushed home to be back by 4.50pm because dinner is served at 5pm then bath time at 6 ish and then bed. 

I realised while driving myself home with the music I like to listen to (not the Wiggles) blaring (which I NEVER het to do anymore) why I never ended up doing anything overwhelming or self-rewarding-because two primary factors consume me now - GUILT and SELFLESSNESS.  I am putting those two words out there - even though Lance would say that is total bull dust - but truly, those two elements are what inhibited me today and barred me from going all out with my 3 hours of freedom and independence. At night I have no problem deciding where to go - it's an easy decision and I HAVE to go to fabulous bar or club - but daytime is so much harder to figure out.

So - next time (if there is a next time) I vow that I am going to be way more prepared and am going to make it Bronte and back with a massive smile on my face - or with a cocktail at the end - one way or another - LESS GUILT and MORE SELFISHNESS!

Last week I thought I was on my death bed - I thought. 

I was sick with something similar to what I thought was swine flu - presumably contracted on a play-date no doubt.  Needless to say, I was pretty much rendered incompetent - so arts and crafts were cut down to the bare basics at home base here.  We were all house-bound with the same revolting cold being circulated between me, Aiden and Jon Jon and the relentless London-like dreary torrential rain forced us to stay indoors,  plus the fact that my crappy 20 year old car needed to go in for an aircon service... we were STUCK!

Although I felt quite useless and was not working to my full capacity because I was so sick and miserable, I still realised that I was the only one who could do this job. 

They say that in the job market, no-one is indispensable - but I have to say - that in MY job - I am completely indispensable.  I am also completely irreplaceable, and contrary to popular belief around here, I would definitely be missed if I didnt turn up for 'work'on a daily basis.  I can also guarantee you that no normal person would apply for this job - unpaid, thankless and completely devoid of self-respect most of the time!  There is no salary, no lunch or toilet or coffee break or scheduled rest OH&S time, no long service leave, no bonus at the end of the year, no wardrobe stipend or cab charge allowance, no job sharing option and definitely NO such thing as ME time!  You cant rely on anyone to pick up the slack if you are sick or need to rest, you just have to keep going.  Yes, I know I am not the only mother with kids in town but sometimes I sure feel like I am!   

When I was at my very sickest - coughing up parts of my functional lung - and wanted to call it a night at midnight, then there was still no respite and Jon was waking every hour with a blocked nose, and then Aiden was waking up at 2am, then 3 am then 5am for the day!  I think Aiden was sick but he was also being woken by Jon Jon.  By the way, I am absolutely convinced that Jon Jon has a copy of the full timetable of all the FIFA World Cup Games in South Africa taped to the side of his cot, because without fail he gets up in time for every game in the early hours of the morning!

However - not to be ungrateful, I should note that last night (15 June 2010 for the record) Jon Jon slept through the night for the second time in his life but I completely missed the opportunity to take advantage of this and had terrible insomnia till 3am~Murphys Law hey!  Let's hope he continues this pattern, at least till Saturday night when I have 2 parties to attend!!  Here's a message to the babysitter - deal with it while I am out on my night off this weekend -  you get paid NOT me!!

Now you tell me if you want this job?

I have to say I am not the biggest fan of the play-date.  After all, they don't call it a "date" for nothing.  

Actually, if you think about it, play-dates are a lot like first dates.  There's a lot of anticipation and anxiety about how the whole date thing is going to play out.  Will they like each other? will they find things in common and hit it off from the get go?  Will the other person be bringing a lot of personal (and physical) baggage?  Will the date last too long/too short?  Will there be disappointment?  Will it all be too much and will ties need to be cut at the end of the date for good?

Me, I don't like to have lots of unanswered questions in life so before all play-dates I like to get a bit of perspective on the kid that is coming over. I like to do a bit of due diligence on the mom and try to get a feel for what we are getting ourselves into? Just like a corporate acquisition at the outset I put out some fairly stock standard RFIs (Requests for Information):

1. Is your kid displaying any signs of illness - eg.  ear infection, horse flu, swine flu or just your run of the mill daycare/playschool snotty, runny nose and general whiny disposition to infect my baby, my toddler and all the toys they touch

2.  Will you be intending to work as hard as me or will you be taking it easy and pretending this is a little holiday while I prepare fresh snacks for everyone and clean up all the toys and mess when you're done drinking tea and watching?

3. Is the date a long or short term thing

The list goes on but Lance wants me to get going so I will update this later on.  One last thing, Aiden and Jon Jon have ben battling flu from our last play-date that ended in bedlam and disaster! So here's a message for our friends out there, dont call us, we'll call you xx 

The Motherload Warzone: Part 2: Peacekeeping with the Babyboomer Grandparents

Grandparents these days aren't what they used to be.  It seems that their genetic makeup has evolved quite dramatically over the past 30 years or so.  Today's generation of grandparents are significantly younger in age than last generation's grandparents and I think this is the key difference that defines our new breed of grandparents.  If you hone in on the new grandparent characteristics you will find some very attractive qualities coupled with some not so attractive characteristics that can sometimes be completely disappointing and distressing for today's generation of moms.

My refined list of findings of our current grannies and grandpas can be set out a little like this:

The good bits (generalising of course):

• they have way more energy than they used to because they keep fit and active
• they are sometimes a bit more "with it" on some ideas - but are still a bit traditional and think our ideas are rubbish when it comes to breastfeeding, which as a trend really seems to skip a generation
• they dont look so grannyish and tend to take of themselves physically much more than previous generations
• they have a closer connection to our babies and dont hold that the grandbabies should be 'seen and not heard' as much

the not so good bits

• they are not always available to help and 'need to check their schedules' and book in a  babysitting 'job' months in advance once they have cleared it and booked it in as a meeting request on Microsoft Outlook Express, and also provided it does not conflict with a dinner double date with mates at the movies or a prior botox/personal trainer/dietician/hair appointmentment
• they 'are not spring chickens anymore' and 'need to take it a bit easier sometimes'
• they trivialise our reliance on books and the internet for baby-related information
• they still treat us like the kids even though we are parents too

With all this out there, I still have to say that when my mom comes to help with my babies she is super confident and energetic and above all loving and sweet with my boys.  she can run with it and get on with the job and I feel I can leave my children in her capable hands and not worry for one second.  I have to admit I would love her to be there more, but maybe she doesnt want to to get too used to the help or get too reliant upon it - I don't know.  She helps as much as she can and on the occasions when Aiden has slept over there to give me some respite I am eternally grateful. Afterall, she's raised her kids so any left over energy that she puts into my demanding babies' needs is much appreciated anytime and every time! 

Negotiation with a toddler is more challenging than any 24- hour corporate transaction I've ever worked on!  Reaching a settlement with these little rugrats ins near impossible and o amount of reading material on the subject can glean any possible peaceful solutions because each toddler comes armed with his or her own unique artillary.  Some bite, some pull hair, some hit and won't share their toys - and the really skilled ones, well they come armed with all of the above!  Sometimes it feels like nothing in the world can get my toddler to cease and desist.  I have tried to be patient, I really have, my parents and husband tell me all the time to calm down (which I detest hearing!) It's just so hard becasuse simple issues are so incredibly difficult to get through I sometimes feel myself giving in and either losing it completely or doing absolutely nothing, for a shot while, so that I can gather my composure, wipe my sweaty brow and devise a game plan to get the better of the little terror-ist!  I challenge any grandparent or husband to just 1 day with my 2 year old and 9 month old - I reckon they would drop dead before the showdown at sundown which comes with an nightmarish dose of 2 bath times, 2 dinner times and 2 bed times!!

As soon as Aiden turned 2 I pretty much realised that absolutely everything was going to be struggle requiring some sort of sweet-talking or negotiation or bribery.  Simple things like can brushing teeth, getting buckled into the pram or car, getting into a trolley or out of the trolley, walking up or down the stairs or round the shops without being carried, eating food at the table sans tantrums or food fights and spillage galore (my term for a pillage mixed with a spillage), going to bed in a big boy's bed without a fight (as I am typing this Jon Jon is clawing at my notes and slamming into the keyboard with my mobile phone seconds from his teething mouth!!).

I'm telling you, after much frustration I have become quite insane but I am learning my own art of negotation.  I must however mention that a little alcohol periodically does save my soul!  I think the tantrums and moaning, complaining and whining are also the catalyst for my permanent left eye crack addict twitch - might need to get me to a costume hire shop soon for one of those nifty pirate patches as I amstarting to scare the other kids in the park - while Aiden is quite used to it now and merely recommended that "Mommy go to the doc-teh" to get myself seen to!

My son is indeed a savvy little negotiator, who often wins and gets to eat "bikkies" for breakfast and the like, but he has no idea that I am just "letting" him on occasion and that he's dealing with one of the most switched corporate lawyer moms in the business and that I dont give up without a fight!

I know every mother thinks her child is a genius but my little Aiden, bless him, really has the best sense of humour and makes me crack up laughing every day with his antics, joking nature and interesting take on life and the world from his perspective - he seriously has me in fits sometimes - here are some highlights of his recent phrases - yes, I know I am probably the only one who will laugh at this post or even smile...

1. Vacme (when I tell him "you vacuum", he thinks the verb for him to vacuum is 'vac-me"

2, "good job mom" - this one's heartwarming as it's used almost all the time whenever I do ANYTHING - I love it so much as it makes me feel reassured that I am on track and doing good as a mom even when I not so sure

3. "C-mon....poo" (when he's on the loo at 11pm pretending to need to go and then making me laugh because we both know nothing's coming!!)

4.  "Ssshh Jon Jon sleeping" (used when I SING OR TALK A lot - basically a polite wait of saying shuddup mommm)

5. "HOw - I - How I" (whenever he sees a picture of a star, presuambly from twinkle twinkle little star....aww cute)

6. Starfish ( as above for 5)

7. Phone Gaga/Zaida (a cry for help and telling me to call granny or grandpa!)

8. "See Saw Maw Daw" see saw margerie daw

9. "Need a coffee mom" - when I tell Aiden I'm tired

10. "Need cinno" Aiden needs a baby cinno 

11.  Mommy Doctor - when I wear a medical mask to prevent the boys from contracting my germs

12.  Mommy Suntup - everyone gets the surname in the house as an add-on

13.  Tick tock - clock/watch

14. Bob builder can fix - when something needs fixing

15.  Mommy come-ere - Mom come here - whining voice included

16.  Bath time, Bed -time, snack time, nap time - calling them out to me like the town cryer and pointing to my watch to tell me what's next on our routine

17.  Big car, Big car - default for all cars

18.  Bee Bah - whenever we see or hear ambulance, or police car or fire engine

19.  Garage - the roller drawer on the kitchen counter that rolls down over the kettle and toaster

20.  Where's dummy, where's doudou bear - before sleeps -asked with a very enquiring cute tone!

More to follow when I can remember them....and have time to write them down

I actually have plans for the next 2 Saturday nights and I am panicking already that we might get 'cancelled on' at the last minute or worse...

There are either no good babysitters out there or they are all too busy or financially sound enough not to be babysitters and are doing other stuff instead - who knows.  I have been burned too many times and I don't really trust anyone to watch my kids when they're awake (the kids that is!).  I know I have letting go issues but I have had such bad experiences with babysitters that I think my feelings are warranted.

I once babysat (I use the term "once" loosely as I only did it once until I had my own kids!!) and got paid $5 an hour in coins!  It was 15 years ago, mind you, but people still think I was getting ripped off!I still did a responsible, plausible job and was completely fair, tolerant and polite and I think I did a reasonable job (commesurate for the wage!)

Anyway - the breaking point for me was when I caught one nanny talking to her friend on her mobile phone while she was supposed t be bathing my older baby and then even had the audacity to keep talking once she realised she'd been caught in the act - the CHUTZPAH!  When I confronted her on the issue she actually had the cheek to tell me that the call was urgent - NO COMMENT!  Ever since then I don't get daytime help.  Noone is as competent as I am to look after my kids - so have only myself to balme for he eye irritation thatI have in myleft eye which has now this week escalated to a severe twitch which makes me look like a crack addict when I look people in the eye for too long!

Still I am adamant I am not getting a nanny or sending my kids to daycare if I can keep this up and sustain my fulltime caring for the kids without a slide into insanity.  Plus, I keep going for the fact that if I can cut a deal with Lance one of these days, maybe we can work out an hourly rate which is half as good as what these nannies ($20 - $30 per hour) charge or maybe I can work myself up to a registered nurse wage ($30-$50 per hour).   Here's hoping I'm as qualified for the job as I think I am!

And dont even get me started on my experiences with daycare - never again!

Today I was so tired that I made the boys watc TV all morning till 10 am while I cooked lunch and dinner for the day and watched the rain pouring outside.. I felt so guilty and Aiden's tantrums were killing me so we wheeled out the house for a coffee for me when it hit me - I might need to have some time to myself occasionally so I dont feel so guilty all the time for either cleaning or cooking when I should be playing with the boys or giving them love and time or something else - but at the same time I am doing my best I know - and they cant have me alll time playing and reading, I need to get the house stuff done too. 

Would love to elaborate on this point more but need to unload the washed laundry and put another load in before I shut my eyes for a few minutes tonight....

The other night I was at a club called White Revolver with a friend of mine (aso a young mom) and athis little 22 year boy who thought he was old enough to talk to me came up to us and decided to engage in some friendly chit chat.  He asked me "what my story was" as if that was a leading pick up line or something??   I then proceeded to tell him my full story, being that I've been married for 6 years and have two little baby boys - a 2 year old and a 7 month old - and that I had not slept in 2 years.  needless to say, he really wasn't ithat interested in "my story" after that!  I still asked him what his story was to be polite!  The funny thing is that he thought he would pay me what he thought was a compliment and he told me tatI was a really cute cougar - GROSS!  I mean I am only just 30 years old - I realy thought that you entered cougar territory only in your early 40s - that made me feel really old and suddenly very tired.  I was surprised that I was being labelled as  cougar because 9 times out of 10 I am asked to show ID at the door. (Mind you I am coming to realise that hangovers are way worse after 30 years old and exarcerbated by middle of the night wakings and early starts with babies - not sensible at all!)

On another occasion I was even almost bounced from getting inot a club because the doorman thought I was drunk and didnt believe me when I told him I had only had 1 drink before I got there!  He said my bloodshot eyes were a dead giveaway for a drunk and disorderly patron - I then rationalised the boodshot eyes by explaining that they were due to me not having slept for the past 2 years (my excuse for EVERYTHING these days!)  - which he totally did not buy at all!

But back to the cougar label, not only was I insultedby this backhanded compliment, I also felt annoyed by the fact that I was expected to take it as a compliment - DOUBLE GROSS!  I then proceeded to drink till I no longer needed to show ID that night!

Thanks so much for your comments Agnus - sorry about the spelling I am just exhausted when I type and there's no time to spell check - but I am totally with you it does detract from the gist of what I am trying to say, or maybe it highlights my point in a way...

Keep reading and please tell me how you came to stumble upon my blog??

 Loren xx

Thanks for your comments my friend!  This book will be dedicated to you, I will send you the blurb so you have time to read it.

One of the chapters will be dedicated to one of the most creative entertainers and head of arts and crafts, Oh and I forgot to mention mom to a 4 year old and twin 10 month old boys!

Thanks for the invite to Kayla's party - we would love to attend.  PS please tell your coffee cart guy to get there early, and that I take my coffee like my men - strong, hot and large!

Before I had kids I vowed I would NEVER EVER breast feed.  Not to mention how averse I was to the concept of breastfeeding in public - THE NERVE of some people!

Then suddenly I was a mom and this overwhelming maternal human instinct came over me and I became the biggest breastfeeding advocate over night.  My firstborn Aiden was breastfed for 11 months ( I doubt he remembers the experience now 1 year on, but the other day he was watching me feed the little one and tried to have a 'sip' too and the proceeded to lift his pyjama top up and attempted to give his little toy frog "milky" too!! SO cute!) and I am still breastfeeding Jon Jon who just turned 9 months today!  It is a bit sore when the little milk teeth take a small nibble here and there but on the whole it has been an easy, amazing, and natural experience for me.  Still sometimes cant believe that I have not used a tin of formula on my babies - quite an amazing feat hey!

I have had it up to here with friends and well wishing strangers telling me that "germs are good for kids" and that "getting sick is good for them" and "that it builds up their immunity".

All that germs and daycare build up are copious amounts of antibiotics being purchased, increased visits to the doctors and paediatricians and contending with sick grumpy kids who can't be taken out.

I also can't hack selfish parents who drag extremely sick kids out to the shops, the parks, the synagogue and just about anywhere that sick kids shouldn't be.  The children are riddled with viral diseases and pouring noses that really deserve a good wipe and clearly are being carted out against their will.  Not to mention the fact that they are not only NOT going to get better that way and should clearly be resting as best they can at home, but their selfish parents are spreading the vicious cycle of germs and virus around and exacerbating the illness even further. 

Now that's what makes ME sick!

Most civilians wouldn't know it, but there's actually a secret underbelly lurking in most parks and playgrounds. 

It comprises of a cluster of reasonably young, fairly decent looking moms hiding behind dark glasses and baggy tops feeding newborns beneath trendy breastfeeding wraps and wearing the latest baby carriers while simulataneously trying to wrangle overactive toddlers.

Yes, we know who we are - we are the silent over achievers with wry smiles on our faces, sweat dripping off our bodies from lifitng too many kids and sometimes, just sometimes, a tear in our eyes. 

We own the term multi-tasking.  In fact, we've taking the concept to a new level.  We swap feeding tips and sleeping tips in the playground while making cynical jokes to each other about "not being awake when the second one was conceived" or "not consenting to conception the second time round" - all the while trying to rock and swaddle the newborn as the toddler attempts a death defying leap from the highest level of the jungle jim and into our arms 

We are trying to be perfect in every aspect of our lives - surviving on little or no sleep by night and slabs of chocolate for energy by day.  We don't employ nanies or cleaners or au pairs.  We do it all ourselves for fear of letting go and the incompetency of any outsourced help ( the other day I caught a couple of au pairs in the park stting on a bench not even watching the children they were supposed to be minding, but instead  the one au pair was crying to her friend in Swedish about the problems she was having with her work visa, while her friend dodded with sympathy as she tapped out frantic messages on facebook in German on her i-Phone!).

At least twice or three times a day ( I mean it, I've been keeping count) someone says to me "Jeez, you've got your hands full".  Like I have to be told that, like I did't know if for myself already!!) People make me laugh! They have NO IDEA what it means to get through each day for us. 

Yes I KNOW I am crazy  - my baby boys are exactly 18 months apart (when the anaesthetist came to admister my epidrual for the scond baby he said he remembered me and that I had been booke in exaclty 18 months ago to the day - 24 February  2008 and 24 August 2009 - INSANE).

Simple things like:

• carting both babies in and out the house simultaneously ( I don't ever leave one in the house alone while I put the other into the car) putting both babies into the car without central locking mind you, or
• changing between 8 and 15 nappies a day (things have calmed down quite considerably but a few monhs back I was averaging about 8 - 10 'number two's when the second baby was a newborn),
• going grocery shopping with the toddler sitting in the trolley and the newborn in a pouch or babysling, bathing a toddler and a newborn in the same bath (my wrist is killing me 8 months down the track!!) and the list goes on and on!

I reckon I've done quite well over the past 2 years, working 3 days a week while I was pregnant with my second baby and now looking after both of them full time on my own with no daycare or help.  Whenever things get too much, like tonight, when the toddler is caling me to come lie with him at 11pm at night, I have to remind myself how truly blessed I am to have such amazing babies, who are such a source of joy and pleasure and make me laugh so much every day.

When we mothers of two bid each other farewell at the end of our time each day at the playground with a smile and sigh of exhaustion, most conversations end with - I hope these kids appreciate this one day!!

I get discriminated mostly when I push my double pram down a narrow path - but generally I find there are still so many places I cant go into or up to with any pram of any description - I can somehow understand a fraction of the frustration that a person in a wheel chair must feel - we need to campaign for more ramps in places!  That goes for my favourite cafe as well as the front door to my house and garage!  SO annoying!!

The other day a good friend of mine made me laugh.  She has a 6 year old, a 3 year old and a newborn and she confessed that she had not to that day heard of a Babycinno!!  (So tired while I am typing this that I am having dejavu that I have already typed this before!!)

I responded by telling her that she'd proably saved herself about $6,000 in the past 6 years! 

I curse the day that the babycinno was ever invented. 

 I am sure that the original intention behind the creation and inception of the babycinno was to distract the young toddler for a few moments while the exhausted mother gets a second or two of solace to skull down a quick coffee before the next stop in the car or pram.  The reality is that the sleep deprived mother spends the entire 'babycinno experience' trying to avoid disaster from ending in a scalding caused by a burning hot babycinno that some inexperienced barrista has served up to the toddler.  Alteratively the mother will be juggling the teeny tiny mug and saucer and sugar dispenser whilst trying to prevent the toddler from tossing the entire drink over him or herself or the cafe table. SO not relaxing!  I sometimes do see toddlers sitting patiently sipping spoonfuls of the fluffy froth while the relieved mothers look on but this is quite a rare sighting in the cafe wild!

Another aspect of the babycinno experience that bugs the hell out of me is the exorbitant prices that are being set for these drinks!  There is a significant sliding scale and cafe owners set the price according to their own personal whim and malice.  I feel I owe my fellow mothers (my confidants, my playground underworld partners in crime) a duty to name and shame the most overpriced babycinnos in Sydney that I have come across:

1. Harry's espresso bar - Wairoa Ave, North Bondi - $2.50 ( Seriously!! I told the onwer that he was clearly mad and out of his mind to be charging that for a bit of frothed full cream milk and that I could buy a regular cup of adult coffee for that price and a full 1.5L of Milk for the same price too!  He told me to go out and do just that! - THE NERVE!!)
2. Laurent, Westfield, Bondi Junction $1.50 - $2 (although this seems to be the going rate at most places I think it's still ludicrous and someone needs to nip this issue in the bud!!)
3. Europan, Rose Bay ($1.50 with attitude')
4. Luigis (don't know the price but sometimes the barrista's in a bad mood and the patrons give me attitude when I wheel my double pram in there so I rarely go there with the kids)

On a brighter note, kudos to the following righteous places with RESPECT for exhausted moms out there - I will continue to support you:

1. Organic Bakery, Seven Ways North Bondi - free with any regular coffee

2. Gloria Jeans - free with any regular coffee

Sometimes I am so exhaused that I would quite happily sell my soul for a caffeine hit but that still doesn't warrant these ridiculous prices when I am out with my kid for a coffee - In fact, I would rather not get a coffee at all if I could just manage... or can anyone deliver???  Now do you understand why I am happy for just about anyone to pop in unannounced provided they have a hot coffee for me??

Most nights I am exhausted come 8pm but I still really really feel the need to go out.  This probably has a lot to with the fact that I got married really really young (24!) and did not go out at night much at all before we had kids.

So now on any given night I will go for any exuse to get out the house, Supermarket shopping, chemist anything just to break free.  Not sure why this need for emancipation is so strong but yet I am dying to get out the house for a drink most nights.

Funny thing is all my single girl friends are always "too tired" to go out (PS> I have it when people without small babies tell me they're tired, they don't know the meaning of the word tired!)

Also, I have to go the most exclusive newest hippest places in Sydney on a Saturday night as I figure it's a waste to go see a movie when you're paying $20 an hour for a babysitter (that's another Blog Post altogether!! "The Lucrative Business of Babysitting, uni students to registered nurses - how they are taking the entire market and we mothers have no choice")

So my favourites at the moment are:

1. The Ivy - the Ivy Pool in the city (Lance refuses to go back there as he cant understand why anyone would want to pay $30 to drink out of a cup that our 2 year old drinks out of!)
2. White Revolver And Cream Tangerine (close enough to rush home if I need to feed the baby and come back again!)
3. Ravesis - classy and close
4. The Beach Road (I used to come here during the day in the summer with the babies!)
5. Coles/Woolworths/Petrol Station/Pharmacy (these are defaults for weeknights if I just need a break and change of scenery)

Last Sat night we went to Icebergs - have a thrirthy something bday party this sat night - cant wait! xxx

Tonight at about 11pm when I was cleaning the boys' bath out with Dettol I caught myself asking myself - "Have I actually achieved anything in the past  8 months of maternity leave?" Yes, I know I've been raising a two year old and a newborn for the past few months, but aside from just trying to get through each day with the babies in tact and my sanity relatively together, I dont think I have actually achieved any of my outstanding goals.

To date, my 'errands/internal admin' to -do -list looks a little like this at the momentnote - no particular order here!!:

1. arrange head boards for master bedroom and Aiden's bedroom
2. tidy grocery cupboard
3. tidy walk in closet
4. tidy boys' bedroom cupboards and change table drawers
5. paint the canvases for Jon Jon's room
6. develop photos of the past few months
7. email photos of the boys over the past few months
8. take photo of Jon Jon in bassinet before it gets put away
9. replace cushions and throws on couches
10. chuck/pack away clothes that we no longer wear or are too big or small
11. book mom and dad's anniversary weekend in June 2010
12. MOP FLOORS DOWNSTAIRS - I am typing this blog post instead of sleeping or mopping - so overdue
13. Phone work to discuss return to work strategy - am scheduled to return on 20 July 2010 - Crikey that freaks me out - cant believe it's been almost 1 year - how is that actually possible????
14. put together wish list of items I need for my dream home that's been in my head for a few weeks now!

So basically, the above list needs to be completed before I go to work - oh, and I forgot about all the laundry that needs to be washed and folded downstairs, but that is part of the short term list.  Wish my mind wasnt so occupied with such mundane stuff!

Today (Sunday 23 May 2010)

Jon Jon got his third tooth (top right) and Aiden moved into a queen-sized bed - Jon Jon was moved out of the Boori Rocker Bassinet which made me so sad - but the guy is nearly nine months old and his quarters were getting a little cramped given he is pushing probably around 10 kilos now!!

Aiden actually slept the whole night in the bed and did not get up once!  Good night on the whole except I have a eye infection, a swollen left wrist from all the heavy lifiting and a stiff neck from carrying the phone with my neck croocked to the right all the time, need to get a hands free asap!  Went to the doctor today and had to take both boys with me as usual, as I have noone to watch them when I do things like that - pretty hard but Aiden was excellent.

Had a bit of a set back this morning, took the boys to Playball and as we got there Aiden started moaning in the pram - it was only his second time there - last time he loved it but today the woman said he might be too young and I should start him in a few months instead - I was a bit shattered but brushed it off - sometimes he does that when we arrive at certain activitities like Adele's action kids or Art and Move - not sure why I am punishing myself but it gives upa purposed and a routine to our weeks to have set actitivities.  Guess we will have to stick to art and crafts with mommy at home and dough and soccer at home??!? Annoying and BORING for Aiden I am sure not to mention that he cries when I go get coffee in the morning on my own while Lance watches them for 5 minutes and is getting quite dependent on me!  Watch this space to see how that pans out...

Am completely shattered but need to get these thoughts out as I wont be able to sleep...

Need to update more posts before I forget!

Hi and welcome to my first blog post. please excuse the fonts and typos, it is two in the morning and i am touch typing on our new telstra t hub touch pad. i am bursting at the seams with all my ideas and funny anecdotes and cant wait to share my daily adventures with you all. in a nutshell i was meant to be a partner in a law firm driving a convertible black BMW before i turned thirty...

Instead, I found myself to be the mother of two adorable litle sons before my thirtieth birthday. Never would have thought i would be breastfeeding a newborn baby during my thirtieth birthday party.

watch this space there'll be plenty more each day and i cant wait to get your feedback...